JUST IN: Soccer moms hilariously ravaged in group chat

This was just what I needed to get through Thursday morning. Unsuspecting soccer moms getting ravaged by a Millennial. Classic.

Twitter user Rachel Bell (@racheltacobell) was minding her own business on Tuesday afternoon when she randomly got added to a group chat apparently set up for a youth soccer team. Rachel absolutely owns the soccer moms in the most entertaining way possible.

If there’s anything I know about soccer moms, it’s that they all think their kids are the best on the team. (Left to right).

Oh the audacity. Did she just disrespect the mom’s snack game? Damn. Is that crossing the line? Maybe one shot too many? Not a chance. If there’s ever something that I loved that I didn’t know I loved until I actually saw it, it’s soccer moms arguing. LOVE IT. I can’t get enough of it now. I loved it so much I spent at least 38 minutes of my life thinking and writing about this. Not one second was a waste.

What makes this so much better is that those soccer moms still may not know that they were being toyed with like puppets on a string. The moms went to that meeting with steam coming out of their ears ready to bang some heads together. I have to imagine every single one of them showed up to that meeting after practice yesterday ready to investigate like Inspector Gadget preparing to take down Dr. Claw. The cats came ready to scrap it up with whoever dare say their child is a better soccer player than theirs. How dare they utter such blasphemy.

It’s just so funny because EVERYBODY knows that one crazy soccer mom. Or hockey dad. Or baseball parents who get way too upset over a game when their kid is 12 years old. We all know winning and being the best player on your team of preteens is the most important thing in the world but maybe pipe down in the stands there, Mrs. Johnson, with the screechy annoying voice. People need to be able to go to sleep at night without hearing your voice screaming at the coach to put your kid who absolutely stinks in the game.

And they’re clearly NOT happy with the head coach. Coach Juan will definitely be hearing about this for a while. How could he not step in immediately? Is coaching a team of 12-year-olds not the most important thing in his life? That’s just shameful. His contract needs to be terminated immediately.

I also love how the soccer moms tried to educate. “It’s not the talent or the goals, it’s the time the kid actually gets on the field.” The wise words of Karen from the suburbs. And what about that mom that sent a 500-word essay to the group saying whoever is sending those messages is ungrateful and selfish? Those are fightin’ words. God I wish I was at that meeting when they were trying to figure out who was the wildcard in the group.

Do the soccer moms know that they were swindled by now or will they live the rest of their lives thinking there’s a rat parent on the team? How long will it affect them for? Will they ever get over it? Unlikely. But those are the answers that we will never receive and, for that, I am disappointed. Who doesn’t love a good soccer mom throw-down?

I am praying as hard as I ever have in my life for me to get accidentally inserted into one of these group chats. That’s a field-day right there.


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